


Eternal Blue

by superboyclex



Series: Insatiable [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Blood Drinking, First Time, Illness, M/M, Pre-Slash, Slash, Violence, au-ish, based in science, hunger, vampire-ish Steve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-04-17
Packaged: 2017-12-07 01:59:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/742845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superboyclex/pseuds/superboyclex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just when Steve and Tony finally seem to be getting their relationship figured out (friends or more?) Steve disappears during a routine mission where he’s injected with a secondary serum that is intended to kill him. With faded memories of the event, Steve finds his way back to Tony. Unaware of the changes now taking place in his body, Steve fights both mental and physical needs arising within himself. He quickly realizes that his cravings are not that of the human kind. Friendships are tested, loyalties are placed and through it all there is only one truth… Steve and Tony need each other now more than ever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at a Stony fic so here's hoping this doesn't turn out to be crap. Please note that this is an AU of sorts still based on the Marvel movie timeline. In this fic there is use of illness and medical terminology. Though this is based on reality in no way am I an expert when it comes to the proper terms, medical treatments and illnesses I write about.
> 
> Also note that to be safe I give this series a 'Mature' rating. It will probably get higher as I continue and there is quite a bit of 'pre-slash' to start out with but will be eventual 'slash' with full on Steve/Tony  
> There's actually quite a bit of plot here and somewhere along the lines this fic got really big. I will post in chapters but know that I have a lot already written. The large areas in italics are flashbacks or memories. Hopefully this isn't too confusing. will try to make this as clear and understandable as possible.  
> Un-beta'd all mistakes are my own.
> 
> So with that said read on if you're interested and I hope you enjoy the fic!

“Sir,” Jarvis alerted Tony, “Captain Rogers is making his way to the front entrance elevators and he appears to be injured.”

Tony dropped what he had been doing, looking over to the video footage Jarvis pulled up on the screen. Sure enough Steve was stumbling his way through the tower, a bloody mess trailing behind him.

……….

Two days earlier…

_Tony was pacing his workshop, mind in disarray, thinking of a million possibilities for what could have happened to Steve after the two were separated during the most recent mission. All communication had gone out and Tony was left flying around unable to make contact with Steve._

_The mission was already in danger being that the Avengers weren’t at their full capacity. Natasha and Clint were on a separate mission for Shield and Thor was back in Asgard. That left Steve, Bruce and himself. It should have been easy enough for such a routine mission but things had gone downhill right from the start and it was apparent that this wasn’t just some random attack. Their enemy had known that getting the Hulk away from him and Steve made for easy access. For whatever reasons their enemies main objective had been Captain America. After losing sight for 8.3 seconds Tony had nearly crashed into the side of a building. When he had circled back around to where he had last seen Steve he was gone. The com was completely down and the Hulk was 17 blocks from their original vantage point._

_“Just fucking perfect,” Tony said as he continued to scan the surrounding area._

_“The Hulk is no longer within range sir,” Jarvis informed him._

_“What about Steve?”_

_“Nothing sir, no sign of him.”_

_At this point Tony had to return to the Tower. Maybe just maybe Steve was there. Maybe he had gotten away? From what, Tony wasn’t even sure._

_………._

_Steve hadn’t been there, neither had Bruce. So Tony debated calling in to SHIELD. He’d spent the last hour or so searching for Steve himself and then debating whether SHIELD needed to get involved but if there was a chance they had heard from Steve or new something then Tony needed to get answers, at least as to why the hell this mission had become such a cluster fuck._

_So Tony made the call and soon enough he had wished he had just kept searching for Steve himself. SHIELD informed him that there was no need for Tony to get involved any further and that they would send out a search team to retrieve the Captain._

_“Do you know something?” Tony asked over the video link he had with Fury. The man was acting extremely suspicious._

_“We may have pinpointed Rogers’ location but…”_

_“Where is he?” Tony almost shouted._

_“I told you, we’ve got this handled, so just wait for Bruce to return.”_

_“Like hell, you are going to tell me damn it because I’m not just gonna sit here and twiddle my thumbs while you play rescue. This is your fault for not giving us the right information to begin with.”_

_“I gave you all the information you needed to know.” Fury leaned back in his seat. “It’s all very sensitive. We needed a prisoner and—”_

_“A prisoner?” Tony couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “So that was why you asked us to lure them out, and by them I mean normal fucking human beings Fury!” Tony jumped up angrily. “Because,” He cleared his throat, “because you wanted to bring back one of them to get specifics or something and where in there does that include Steve getting kidnapped hmm?”_

_Tony was beyond pissed off and the look on the other man’s face just added to the fact that Tony wished he could punch him through the video link. Normal humans? Maybe not but they sure weren’t monsters or aliens or anything of the sort that the Avengers usually dealt with._

_So now here he was pissed off and worried out of his mind and there might be a chance that they knew where Steve was but because it was all very “sensitive” Tony had to just sit back and let his friend get not-rescued by the biggest assholes of the universe._

_Fury pulled him out of his angry thoughts. “They’re not just normal human beings Stark.”_

_“Then what are they?”_

_Fury remained silent._

_“Fine, don’t tell me but I’m not just gonna sit here while Steve is out there somewhere.”_

_Tony ended the video call before Fury could respond. Now what could he do? He may have just made things worse but at least he knew that these people had some kind of valuable information, and it better be, if Fury was willing to put America’s best defense at risk._

_“Jarvis, let me know if you find out anything about Steve. Run face recognition, scans, anything.”_

_“Already started sir.”_

……….

Present

Tony spent the next two days searching with no progress. He’d spent most hours out flying and when Bruce had finally returned he too went about gathering as much information as he could.

Tony had gone as far as to hack information from SHIELD servers. In the end he hadn’t come back with much more than encrypted files. He’d set Jarvis to work on it right away with interesting results regarding secret projects Tony thought needed more looking into, but it had been the least of his worries at this point. The only other locked files that brought up warning bells had been listed under Project Rebirth; Steve’s file. This, unlike the other files, was not as simple to break into.

Somewhere around his fifth cup of coffee Tony’s phone buzzed with a text.

_‘Following a lead. Will call with any new info.’_

Tony took a mouthful of hot coffee and made his way back to his workshop. At least Bruce seemed to be getting somewhere. Anything would help at this point because Tony was never one to give up but firewalling even JARVIS at this point was really dampening Tony’s spirits. The fact that Steve had been the target of this attack; the extreme security of his file just confirmed to Tony that this indeed involved Captain America. SHIELD was covering something up and whatever missing piece of the puzzle they needed it involved this group of “special” people.

Shit, he really needed to get into Steve’s file like yesterday. He was about to ask JARVIS about progress when the AI informed him of Steve’s presence in the Tower. Tony was out the glass doors in seconds. When he’d reached Steve the man was stumbling about reaching for Tony with bloodied hands.

“Steve?” Tony reached out taking Steve’s weight against his frame. “What happened?”

“Tony…” Steve groaned out as he wobbled, grabbing frantically at Tony.

Tony ushered the man towards the nearest seat. He was covered in blood and was shaking.

“Here, just sit.” Tony looked Steve over, searching for the source of blood. “Are you injured?”

Steve didn’t answer him, he just clutched at the edge of the table breathing heavily. Once Tony was sure Steve wouldn’t fall out of the chair, he walked to the kitchen sink to retrieve a damp cloth.

“Are you injured?” Tony asked again as he walked back to Steve. Blue eyes tracked his every move as he pressed the cloth to the bloodied areas of Steve’s face.

“I… I don’t… d-don’t think so,” Steve answered jerking slightly at the cool touch.

“But there’s so much blood?”

“N… not mine…” He was trailing off as he continued to shake, his eyes still watching Tony.

Yes, there was definitely lots of blood. Steve’s uniform was torn by the shoulder and there was dirt and dust caked amongst the bloodied fabric. If it wasn’t Steve’s blood, then whose was it?

Even as Tony wiped away the crimson smears, Steve’s body couldn’t seem to stop shaking. Aside from small cuts along his forehead and shoulder, Tony couldn’t tell if Steve was indeed unharmed or not. He certainly seemed to being having a hard time breathing.

“You need to see a doctor,” Tony said. Having Bruce here would be awesome right about now.

“I… I just, I need…” Steve trailed off again.

“What?”

Steve didn’t know what he wanted. His skin felt like it was on fire and pulled as he shook. His muscles throbbed and there was an uncontrollable ache growing in his stomach. He was tired and his body didn’t want to comply with simple tasks. He could barely sit upright.

“I think you have a fever,” Tony said as he pressed the back of his hand to Steve’s forehead. “Come on, you need to lie down.”

Tony looped Steve’s arm around his neck, pressed his own arm under Steve’s then around his waist. With a grunt he hefted Steve up from the chair. Maneuvering the taller man wasn’t an easy task, what with the shaking and Steve’s grunts of pain. By the time they reached Steve’s floor and entered his bedroom, the blond seemed to be twisting in agony. Tony didn’t know what to do or what was even happening. Steve shouldn’t be in this much pain. Maybe he had internal injuries, but shouldn’t the serum being helping with that? And how the hell was it possible for Steve to have a fever?

“Fuck…” Steve was grabbing at him pulling furiously, fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt. His pained moans turned to almost screams.

Shit, where the hell was Bruce?

Tony let go of Steve long enough to pull his phone from his pocket.

  
_‘Steve’s here NEED YOU NOW!’_ he sent the text quickly bringing his attention back to Steve.

“Tony!” Steve screamed his name as he writhed on the bed. Tony saw him fall backwards, clutching at his body, his arms, and his stomach. “…burning, Tony, I need…”

Tony tried to calm Steve, but without Steve giving him anything to go on he was working blindly here. Something was very wrong, that much he could see, but as far as what Steve “needed”, Tony couldn’t make any sense of it. He thought he heard Steve whisper something about hunger but that couldn’t be right?

“JARVIS, can you notice anything regarding Steve’s injuries?” Tony asked as he continued to try and calm Steve.

“Elevated heart rate, fever, and mental duress but no noticeable internal injuries sir,” JARVIS informed. “May I suggest placing the Captain in cold water to lower the fever?”

Of course why hadn’t he thought of that?

“Temp?”

“109 degrees and climbing.”

Shit, no wonder Steve was in agony. Okay so now he just needed to get Steve to the bathroom, yet again easier said than done. Steve continued to twist around barely able to stand on his own two feet. Somehow, Tony had managed. He was pulling Steve’s uniform off all the while leaning the other man against the bathroom wall.

“Steve, come on I need you to hold yourself up, at least for a minute, come on.”

Steve groaned and tried to comply.

“That’s it, good.” Tony pulled Steve to him as he entered the glass stall. When the cold water sprayed down over the two of them Tony felt more than he heard Steve inhale sharply against his body. Was this really happening? In the end it didn’t really matter that he was standing fully clothed under the cold spray of water as a very naked Steve Rogers shuddered against him. Under any other circumstance Tony would have loved this situation, well he would probably be naked too but this was most definitely not the time to be thinking like that. At least Steve wasn’t squirming around anymore. The cold water seemed to be helping because he was eerily silent now.

JARVIS kept track of Steve’s temperature while they stood together until Tony felt his own teeth begin to chatter from the cold. They were going to have to leave here soon because his limbs were going numb from holding Steve up and he wasn’t sure if Steve was falling asleep or if the man was unconscious.

Once Tony deemed it safe enough to move Steve to the bed, Tony tucked the sheets around Steve’s naked form. The other man was half asleep curling in on himself as Tony watched him to be sure he would stay quiet. It seemed the fever had waned and at least for now, Steve seemed at rest.

And then there was Tony standing, soaking wet and cold, dripping all over the carpet. He needed to change clothes but was too scared to leave Steve unattended. He was going to have to change into something of Steve’s.

Tony changed out of his wet clothes and changed into one of Steve’s white T-shirts and beige khakis. The shirt fit pretty well, being that Steve never seemed to wear anything that actually fit properly; always a size too small.

“Should be illegal,” Tony snorted with a smile.

The Khakis, on the other hand, were a bit baggy and far too long. It would have to do because there was no way in hell Tony was leaving the blond alone.

With a sigh, Tony checked his phone; still nothing from Bruce.

Tony leaned back against the wall nearest Steve’s bed. He was exhausted and his muscles ached. His brain felt fuzzy but was relentlessly trying to work out what was going on. JARVIS was still in the process of unlocking Steve’s file, so as of now there really wasn’t much that Tony could do. He checked Steve again before sitting on the floor with his head resting on the bed.

……….

Tony was woken by shrill screams coming from above his head. Tony jumped and scrambled to his feet. Steve was arching off the bed in apparent agony yet again. Tony reached for him, felt his skin, but there was no fever this time. He pushed at Steve’s arms, trying to keep the blond calm, but he was tossed aside easily. Tony moved over Steve again and Steve looked up at him fear in his eyes.

“What’s happening, please Steve, you have to tell me,” Tony said. “I don’t know what to do?”

Steve was muttering under his breath between cries. He continued to writhe and turn in on himself, clutching again at his stomach. Tony couldn’t make out anything the other said but no sooner did he throw himself over Steve, the other fell silent and ceased movement altogether.

“Steve?”

Tony crawled over the blond trying to turn him, see if his eyes were open and feel if his chest was rising.

“Steve?” Tony called again fear rising in his voice.

There was no reply, no movement.

Tony turned Steve on to his back completely, straddling him. He leaning down pressing his cheek to Steve’s lips feeling for breath. His fingers went to Steve’s neck feeling for a pulse. Tony sighed with relief. There was a pulse, it was faint, but it was there.

This seemed to happen for the next few hours. Steve would wake wracked with pain, Tony would wrap himself around him and hold him until the tremors passed. Some were more severe than others but eventually Steve would fall into a restless sleep. After a while Tony stopped leaving the bed altogether.

Sometime later in the night Bruce had finally returned. He’d walked up to Steve’s room with instructions from JARVIS on where to find Tony.

Right away Bruce had wanted to know why Tony hadn’t taken Steve to the hospital.

“There was no time. Everything happened so fast and he never stays stable enough to be moved anywhere,” Tony said. He was pulling himself out from around Steve. “And where the hell were you?”

“Sorry, I ran into some trouble and kind of hulked out.” Bruce looked apologetic. “So what happened?” He asked.

“Don’t know. He showed up bloodied and delirious. He was in so much pain and I thought that maybe he was hurt but I couldn’t find anything, neither could JARVIS.”

“Did he say anything?”

“Mumbling about his stomach and being hungry… don’t give me that look I know that sounds crazy, but Steve really hasn’t been in his right mind.”

Bruce leaned down checking Steve. “So we’re basically in the dark.”

“Oh and he had a severe fever,” Tony informed Bruce. “109 degrees.”

He hadn’t missed the look Bruce sent him. He knew perfectly well that that shouldn’t be possible.

“He needs fluids. I’ll start him on an IV until he can stay up long enough to drink water himself.”

Tony nodded.

……….

Bruce and Tony took turns staying with Steve. The IV seemed to help because 24 hours later Steve was able to stay awake. It was during Tony’s shift that he had awoken from dozing off to find Steve staring across the room at him. It was a little unnerving the way Steve’s piercing blue eyes would watch his every movement.

“You keep doing that,” Tony said as he rose from the chair.

Steve looked embarrassed and quickly turned away. His eyes fell on the needle in his arm. “What’s this?”

“LRS solution,” Tony said. “You were becoming delirious and nonresponsive. You kept saying you were hungry.”

“LRS?” Steve asked. As for hunger, he was still plenty that.

“Lactated ringers solution. You needed fluids. You were ill and Bruce thought this best for the situation.”

“What happened?”

“I was about to ask you the same thing.” Tony was feeling his forehead for fever.

“I don’t remember anything.”

“What’s the last thing you do remember?” Tony seemed to be searching all over Steve for something and once satisfied, because apparently he hadn’t found it, he backed away. “Three days ago you vanished during our mission.”

“I remember that much. How our enemy had separated us, how com was lost.”

“Anything else after that?”

“Just feeling pressure in my neck followed by burning hot pain. I think I blacked out after that,” Steve said.

“Do you know who these people were that took you? What about where you were held? Can you remember anything else at all?”

Tony bombarded him with question after question but no matter how hard Steve tried to recall any memory from the time he blacked out he couldn’t grasp anything. He knew there were thoughts and memories bundled up at the edge of his mind but nothing seemed to float clearly enough for him to be even sure it was real.

“Tony…”

“You were covered in blood Steve… “

“Tony, I don’t…”

“... and from what you said, it wasn’t even your blood.” Tony waved his arms about as he spoke. “There was a lot of blood Steve.”

“Tony!” Steve shouted, “I told you, I don’t remember anything.”

Tony froze for a moment then seemed to come back to himself.

“Um, yeah sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Steve felt horrible for yelling. “I just don’t know what you want me to tell you. Don’t you think I’d say if I remembered anything?”

“Of course but…” Steve gave him a saddened look followed by a sigh of defeat. “Well how are you feeling now then?” Tony asked.

Tired, dirty, hungry… very hungry but that wasn’t what he told Tony.

“Much better actually.” Hungry. “My body doesn’t feel like it’s going to explode as of right now, but my head does hurt a bit.” Hungry!

“Think you can stand?” Tony asked.

He sure as hell hoped so because Steve didn’t think he could handle being stuck in this bed with Tony hovering over him much longer. The ache in his belly was clouding his mind and making him think strange things.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, Steve felt Tony’s warm hands reach out to steady him. The sheets fell low around his hips and Steve didn’t miss the look that flashed across Tony’s face.

Steve felt himself blushing again but continued up from the bed until he was standing, if not for a few shakes, steadily.

“I want to get a shower.”

“Sure, I’ll go chat with Bruce, tell him you’re up and about. If you need anything let JARVIS know. He’ll notify me…”

Steve eyed him suspiciously.

“…or Bruce,” Tony added. “Um yeah so this is me shutting up now.”

Tony paused at the door. “Swear to god I’ll shut up after this but please just let one of us know if you feel sick again or if you need anything.”

Steve smiled. “Sure thing Tony.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is sorta an insert in regards to Steve and Tony's forming relationship. It warrants it's own post but fits into the series as a whole. Look at chapters like this as added info to a complex story ^_^
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

Getting to have a hot shower this time around served to help his aching muscles so completely that Steve almost didn’t want to leave the bathroom. The entire time he stood washing away the last remnants of dried blood he wracked his brain for any details of the previous nights. In the end all he could come back with was piercing pain all over his body. He could understand Tony’s questions, god knew he had plenty of his own, but nothing was making sense and this horrible hunger was driving him crazy. He couldn’t remember a time when he felt this hungry. It had to be a good sign right? If he needed sustenance that badly it was only because of the serum working to heal him and the fact that he hadn’t eaten for almost four days now?

Before dressing, Steve looked himself over in the mirror. Nothing stood out as abnormal. There were no more cuts or bruises. Everything seemed to heal completely, at least on the outside.

Steve tried once more to recall anything from the day he’d been taken. Of course Tony and Bruce would want answers, hell SHIELD would be requiring him to come in for questioning soon enough but there was still nothing.

During all the pain and fear he had experienced recently Steve did remember one thing and that was Tony. He had needed Tony. All thoughts had gone to getting to him, because deep down Steve knew that if ever there was a place that would be safe, that would be home… the Tower, and home meant Tony.

The man had taken care of him as soon as he found Steve stumbling from the elevators. His strong steady hands had soothed him, caressed his skin when he felt he would burn away into nothing. There had been no hesitation from Tony, just complete concern for his friend. And they were definitely friends now. After the first attack on New York things between he and Tony were anything but friendly, complete hostile territory actually, but somewhere along the lines Tony had finally looked as defeated as Steve felt.

Steve had found it overly difficult to accept this new future and having one Tony Stark there to rub salt in the wounds only made things that much worse. Tony was outright rude to him from the moment he first met him. It didn’t help that Steve couldn’t control the urge to retaliate blow for blow whenever Tony was involved. He’d thought that leaving to pursue his own soul searching far far away from Tony would ease his mind but in his effort to create his own new path in this century all it seemed he could do was think about the annoying billionaire. He couldn’t go anywhere without seeing and hearing headlines in regards to Iron Man. Steve had thought it was quite amazing seeing the way Iron Man swooped in and saved countless lives. He really was amazing and Steve quickly found himself smiling whenever he saw the flash of Red and Gold. Of course he was out there fighting the good fight as well, sometimes with all of the Avengers and sometimes with just Iron Man. Everything seemed to work out pretty well in regards to Captain America and Iron Man fighting side by side but once the helmet came off and Steve was presented with the man behind the armor Steve’s entire body language changed. He knew how to work with Iron Man, or was at the least getting better at fighting alongside him but Tony? Even though the man and the suit were one and the same Steve’s lip would curl in annoyance and it was icy stares and hushed words of contempt once Tony threw his ego around.

Growing up it was guys like Tony that Steve hated. As far as Steve was concerned Tony Stark was a bona fide jerk and the worst part was that Tony didn’t seem to care that he rubbed Steve the wrong way. He’d even go as far as to say Tony made it a point to make rude remarks about his age, his clothes or anything else Tony found to be amusing at his expense. At first Steve was shocked and even a bit embarrassed but quickly it was replaced by anger and disproval. Steve didn’t like that he would fall so easily when Tony baited him. It was like an uncontrollable urge or an itch he couldn’t quite scratch.

When Steve started to give as good as he got Tony was genuinely surprised and Steve couldn’t help but smile inside triumphantly. It was then that the two of them started what Clint liked to call their not-friendship. The one time both he and Tony had agreed outside of battle was when they had turned to Clint and said simultaneously, “We are not friends.” Clint had laughed and walked away with a grin on his face. “Exactly.” When they turned back to one another Tony looked nervous and Steve flushed a deep crimson. In that moment Steve somehow felt like he was missing something very important.

So as it stood, if they weren’t fighting the evils of the world then they were fighting each other. It became some kind of game to Tony and Steve always found himself falling easily but always one step behind and the rules were always changing. It all became very confusing in a rush and Steve wasn’t quite sure what was happening the day Tony had walked up to him and stated that he thought Steve should move into the tower.

_“So, I was thinking, you should come live at the tower.”_

_“What?” Steve stopped all movement turning to look at Tony with wide eyes. The man’s arms were crossed and he was leaning against the door frame in one of the many debriefing rooms at SHIELD headquarters._

_“I have a perfectly good apartment here,” Steve said._

_Tony rolled his eyes adjusting his weight against the frame. “Oh please, if you call SHIELD’s high security panic room an apartment than yes, you have a perfect living arrangement.”_

_“Why would I want to move into the tower?”_

_“Aside from the obvious reasons, I can pester you on a daily basis. It’ll be much easier to piss you off if you live a floor away rather than waiting for a mission.”_

_Steve huffed out a breath of air and swatted Tony’s hand away when he poked Steve in the side. Why couldn’t Tony be serious for once?_

_“Don’t give me that look, can’t be any worse than living here, besides it’s not like you’re special or anything, I’m inviting the rest of the team to stay soon after whether you say yes or not.”_

_It was then that Steve saw panic flash across Tony’s face and Steve realized that Tony seemed genuinely worried for Steve’s answer. It wasn’t like he actually cared if he decided to live there or not. Like he said, he was going to invite the others to stay there as well. Was it so strange to want to say yes? Tony had asked him first. That had to mean something right? So the next words that fell from his lips really weren’t that thought out but in all honesty completely what he wanted to say._

_“Yeah, sure.”_

_“Really?” Tony stood up a little straighter after having heard Steve’s reply. He honestly hadn’t really thought Steve would say yes but the tension in his shoulders dissipated when Steve smiled. “Awesome, so show me your bomb shelter and I’ll help you pack.”_

_“What, now? You want me to move in right this minute?” Steve asked._

_“Yes, come on.” He began pushing Steve from the room. “Lead the way oh fearless leader.”_

_Tony’s insistent prodding was grating on his nerves but soon Tony seemed to settle down and a comfortable silence filled the space around them. Steve pretended that Tony wasn’t walking a little too close and Tony pretended that he didn’t accidently brush his hand against Steve’s as they walked. Once in his apartment Tony looked around at what little Steve owned and it was then that whatever semblance of comfort the two of them had was now gone. Tony was once again running off at the mouth all the while doing a very good job at not helping Steve pack._

_Tony stepped up beside Steve as he tossed some clothes from the blond’s closet on to the bed. “Remind me to buy you a new wardrobe while we’re at it.”_

_Tony was grabbing at his shirt and Steve pushed his hands away just to have Tony bring them back this time pulling at the belt loops on his pants. Steve swatted his hands away again. “Will you stop, there’s nothing wrong with the way I dress.”_

_“Sure, if you dig the grandpa look,” Tony said with a small chuckle._

_.........._

And just like that Steve had found himself the first to move into the Avenger Tower. He quickly found out that Tony really had meant what he said in regards to having a better opportunity to pester Steve because for the briefest moment Steve had honestly thought that the invite to live with Tony had meant that the two of them were going to try and be friends. Oh how wrong Steve had been. Sure it had been better for the missions living under the same roof, but Steve’s sanity was now in question. Luckily Bruce had been the next to move in and this seemed to keep Tony occupied for a time. At first Steve felt happy that Tony would take all his time and energy and put it towards another but he soon felt guilty for wishing his discomfort onto another. The thing was that Tony was a totally different person around Bruce. The two of them seemed to get along very well and of course Tony would be Tony and seemed to be overly active around Bruce but the scientist didn’t seem to be bothered my Tony’s eccentric ways. He either didn’t mind or had a very good way of dealing with Tony. The two of them worked perfectly together and Steve couldn’t help but feel jealousy in that fact. Why couldn’t he have a relationship with Tony like that? Why couldn’t Tony look at him the way he looked at Bruce? There was a calm understanding there and Steve realized that that probably had more to do with Bruce’s influence than anything. Bruce might have a lot of rage built up all the time but he sure knew how to handle both it and Tony. Steve respected the man and his ideas but it only served to make him feel worse the more Bruce and Tony’s friendship blossomed in contrast to his and Tony’s failed attempts.

* * *

Six months after the attack on New York…

_“You’re out of line Tony,” Steve said angrily._

_“Me? In case you forgot Mr. I’m too perfect for everyone, I was the one who saved those kids, I saw an opening and I went for it or would you rather I let them die because it satisfies your dictatorial need to be in control of every situation?”_

_“How can you say that?” Steve looked furious. “They’re called battle strategies for a reason Tony. You could have at least given me or anyone on the team a heads up as to what you were planning.”_

_“Didn’t you get the memo? I don’t play well with others.”_

_“Then maybe you have no place on this team.”_

_“You can’t bench me.”_

_“Actually I think I can,” Steve stated. “If you aren’t willing to at least try and get along with everyone on this team and learn to follow orders than I think you need time to cool off.”_

_“No problems with the others Cap, it’s just you.”_

_Steve looked exasperated. Of course it was him. Why couldn’t Tony see that by following his own orders when and where he wanted he was putting not only his teammates in danger but also himself?_

_“Feels good doesn’t.” It wasn’t really a question and it was followed with a smile that Steve only ever observed from Tony when he was talking to investors or pushing for maximum hurt._

_“What feels good?”_  
  


_“Being a bully.”_  
  


_Steve felt like the air had been punched from his lungs. Whatever anger he had been feeling was replaced with astonished disbelief. Was that what Tony really thought of him, a bully?_

_“Is that what you really think, that I bully you?”_

_“Well not so much me but…” Tony’s face fell. He’d touched on something with this and he actually hadn’t meant it. “I mean, you just…”_

_“I would never bully you Tony, not anyone. I hate bullies.”_

_“Could have fooled me,” Tony said bluntly. Shit, what the hell was he doing saying this to Steve. “I mean, I get it, why you would be that way. All this power now and being that you were probably picked on when you were small. Feels good though right? I’d get off on the feeling of being superior too.”_

_Steve looked at him with wide hurt filled eyes. “You think that I… that I enjoy bossing people around? That I want to put people in the line of fire? That I want… that I…”_

_Tony shrugged. He couldn’t look Steve in the eyes, not after what he’d said. It was a lie, all of it. Steve of all people could care less about power or dominating over another person. Why the hell couldn’t he keep his fucking mouth shut?_

_“Tony, I never meant to make you feel that way.”_

_Tony kept his eyes averted. He needed to run, to get away from this situation but Steve was the one who turned to leave and Tony, the coward that he was, let him go._

_They had avoided each other for what felt like weeks. Tony stayed occupied with parts and new layouts for his Iron Man suit down in his workshop while Steve seemed to frequent the tower’s gym. He didn’t hide away like Tony and seemed to spend continuous time around the others._

_Every time that Tony would get up the courage to march upstairs and apologize he’d deflate and just cuss at himself for a while. It shouldn’t be that difficult. He’d been out of line and Steve had called him out on it._

_So here he was out of coffee, hungry and in desperate need of a shower while his childhood hero went about his life like Tony didn’t even exist. Who the hell was hurting who here? He was losing track of that part, sitting down here and sulking over something or the other. Why the hell couldn’t he just suck it up and apologize?_

_Tony was pulled from his inner monologue by JARVIS announcing Steve’s arrival outside._

_“Shall I let him enter sir?” JARVIS asked._

_YES… no…_

_“Sure, what the hell.”_

_Steve was holding a box of pizza in one hand and in the other he held out a steaming cup of coffee._

_“You’ve been down here for a really long time. Didn’t see you come up to eat anything so I thought that maybe you were hungry.”_

_There was a weary reserve in Steve’s words. He looked uncomfortable standing in Tony’s workshop offering food. He kept eyeing Tony as he went for the box._

_“You’re actually going to eat it?”_

_“Um, unless this is some sick joke where you bring food down here to eat in front of me as revenge, then yes, I’m going to eat this.”_

_Steve blushed. “No, I just didn’t think you would want it from me, I mean I don’t want you to think this is some charity to make you forgive me.”_

_Tony pulled out a piece of extra cheesy pizza and devoured it within seconds followed by gulps of black coffee, two sugars. How had Steve even known that?_

_“Yeah, about that…”_

_“No, Tony you have to understand I had no intention of bullying you.”_

_Tony ate another two slices of pizza and downed the last of his coffee by the time Steve had stopped talking enough to breath._

_Steve was silent now, just looking at him with expectant eyes. He sighed and Tony felt his chest tighten. He’d put that look on Steve’s face. He was to blame for the fact that Steve now stood here asking him for forgiveness when in all actuality Tony should be the one stumbling over rushed apologies._

_“I don’t think you’re a bully Cap.”_

_“But you said…”_

_“Yeah well…” Tony felt foolish again. “I tend to say stupid shit when I’m angry.”_

_Steve’s expression didn’t lift much at this. He seemed to think Tony was the one playing a rude joke on him now._

_“Thanks for the pizza and the coffee, and um for coming down here, cause I wanted to say something but…you and I don’t always see eye to eye and I get that but I shouldn’t have said what I said and I guess I need you to know that… well I’m…you see…” Tony shrugged fiddling with something on his workbench._

_“Are you apologizing to me?” Steve asked raising an eyebrow._

_“Yes?”_

_Oh god, there it was, the smile that rarely crossed Steve’s face. It wasn’t the cheery “I’m Captain America” smile. Not the one he showed people or put on for events. This was the smile Tony first saw a glimpse of after he had fallen from the sky the day of the Chitauri attack. This smile had been just for him._

_“Well, you know me…” Tony was fiddling with one of his gauntlets now._

_“No, I don’t.” The smile was gone._

_“You don’t what?” Tony asked looking up at Steve._

_“Know you, but I’d like to if you’d let me?”_

_“Like, be friends or something?”_

_“Or something…”_

_What the hell did that mean? Shit Steve was getting antsy like an animal about to bolt. Tony needed to say something here that wouldn’t completely fuck up whatever semblance of a ceasefire they had starting. Shit, Steve was eyeing the door. Don’t panic just…_

_Tony put out his hand. “Friends.” And just like that Steve reached out taking hold of his hand in what would have been a firm handshake if Tony hadn’t extended the Iron Man gauntlet he’d been holding instead. Steve shook it anyway, the whole time smiling that smile that made Tony’s legs turn to jelly._

_“Fighting was never that much fun anyway.” Tony let go of the gauntlet and started busying himself with specs and holograms._

_Steve was heading towards the door when he realized he was still holding the glove._

_”Oh yeah, you sort of forgot this.”_

_“Keep it.” Keep it? What the fuck was he saying?_

_“Tony, I can’t, this is-“_

_“Yeah maybe you’re right. I definitely need that.” He took the piece from Steve’s hands. “Hold on a sec.”_

_Steve watched Tony rummage around on the workbench for something. He heard an excited grunt when Tony had apparently found what he was looking for._

_Tony handed him a small, metallic ring. It was the mate to the one Tony now held in his own hands. It looked to be a piece from the Iron Man suit and why Tony felt he had to give him something Steve wasn’t quite sure._

_“Being that I sorta just offered up my gauntlet and then took it back doesn’t seem like a great way to start a friendship.”_

_“Tony, I don’t expect you to give me things.”_

_“Don’t people usually have BFF necklaces or something?” Tony asked._

_“This isn’t a joke Tony.”_

_“I know that, I wasn’t trying to poke fun, I was just… fine, give it back.”_

_Steve pulled his hand away before Tony could take the ring._

_“No, you gave it to me, so I’m keeping it.” Steve flipped the ring around between his fingers. “Is this from your armor?”_

_Tony tapped his chest. “From my reactor actually.”_

_Steve smiled and Tony flushed. Okay maybe that was stupid and sentimental. What the hell was he thinking giving Steve something like that? Tony felt Steve squeeze his shoulder._

_“Thank you Tony.”_

_Everything changed after that day. They still argued and disagreed on most days but there was a respect there now. Tony tried to pay attention to battle strategies and play by the rules while Steve didn’t get upset if Tony just happened to deviate from the plan. Tony found it much easier to get along with Steve then he would actually like to admit. He’d taken it upon himself to broaden the man’s horizons which had consisted of movies, trips about the city, chats and what Tony referred to as their not-dates. He blamed Clint for that nickname._

_Many pizza nights later and long conversations where Steve mostly just listened, the two of them were becoming a well-oiled machine. Tony’s knees still got weak when Steve smiled that smile and every time Tony would push his “I’m so not falling for Steve Rogers” feelings aside and chalk it up to not enough sleep and too much caffeine. Anyone would look appealing at that point._

_The only problem was that these feelings didn’t want to be ignored. It shouldn’t have meant so much that on one of those pizza nights down in his workshop Tony had been teasing Steve about his Cap uniform and whilst doing so the two of them had started witty banter and foolish touches. That was when Tony had noticed the reactor ring under Steve’s shirt. It was just barely visible at the v where the top few buttons were open. Needless to say that after Steve had gone to join the others upstairs, Tony had searched his worktable for its partner. He’d tossed it aside the very same day he’d given it to Steve. They were just parts with no real meaning after all… at least that was what he had thought but Steve had really kept the ring and for Tony to find out that he put it on a chain and wore it close to his heart, that right there was the end for Tony. There was no mistaking exactly what it was that he was feeling._

_Tony Stark was falling in love with his best friend and teammate… he was fucking doomed._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we get a bit deeper into the plot in this chapter. I'm quite happy with how this is turning out. I've found that I have a fondness for Bruce that I didn't realize I had and ended up writing him into this far more than I intended. Surprised myself with that one.
> 
> Enjoy!

JARVIS had finally broken the codes on Steve’s file while he was upstairs in the kitchen talking with Bruce. Bruce of course was overly enthusiastic in regards to looking over the file. Tony had laughed because Bruce was always so cute when he got all scientific and it served to pull Tony’s mind away from the mystery that was now Steve’s life.

“Oh perfect, I need a blood sample from you,” Bruce said rising from the table towards an approaching Steve. “And Tony, send those files to my lab so I can get to work right away.”

Tony nodded as he turned to greet Steve. He looked perfect, as if the past few days hadn’t happened at all. Bruce was trying to usher him towards his lab.

“Nice to see you up and about again,” Bruce said. “How are you feeling?”

“Pretty good actually, so um, you need blood?

“Just a few samples then you can go back and chat with Tony.”

“Sure.” Steve was looking over his shoulder and Tony heard him call back, “How about something to eat Tony? Pizza sounds great… anything really.”

“Sure thing,” Tony answered as the two disappeared from sight.

Well, Steve was most definitely hungry and a hungry Steve was never a happy Steve. So pizza it was and by the time it had arrived Steve had finished up with Bruce and was already eating slice after slice like his life depended on it.

“Slow down there big guy, chew your food.”

“Mmmm, bhut itssgood Tony,” Steve said around a mouthful of pizza.

“Yes I can see that but you really should take it easy after being ill.”

“I’m just…” Steve devoured another slice of pizza. “You have no idea how hungry I am.”

Tony watched wide eyed as Steve ate two whole pizzas. Tony hadn’t even taken a piece for himself and at this point he was a bit scared to even try. Watching his friend push aside the empty cardboard boxes and open the fridge Tony laughed nervously and remembered when he’d heard Steve muttering about being hungry the previous nights.

Could this be from the serum and the fact that Steve hadn’t eaten much to support his metabolism? Steve was always one to enjoy food but this was ridiculous. He was grabbing leftovers from the fridge now. He downed a container of what looked like Chinese and what he was sure was Bruce’s spring rolls.

“Um, okay Steve you might want to let what you’ve already eaten have a chance to digest before you-“

Tony heard moans coming from Steve as he pulled out more food from the fridge. He would stop momentarily to drink an entire bottle of water before searching for more food. Two pizzas, 3 containers of leftover Chinese, Bruce’s spring rolls and half a casserole of lasagna later, Steve finally seemed to be full or at least content.

“What the hell was that?” Tony asked.

“I… I was just so hungry. I mean, wow…” Steve chuckled. He felt amazing right now. The hunger was finally gone, his body didn’t ache and his mind felt clear. Now if Tony would just stop staring at him like he’d grown a second head.

“It’s impolite to stare you know.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t if you hadn’t just tried to eat the entire kitchen.”

Steve blushed, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Hey, I don’t mind, I just want to make sure you’re okay and I know you don’t want me to ask this again but…” Tony reached out taking Steve’s hands. “…do you really not remember anything?”

Tony’s hands felt so good, warm and firm, a nice distraction from the haunting truth banging at the back of his skull. It wasn’t like he thought Tony would give up asking this but Steve wasn’t so sure he wanted to remember what had happened. He was fine now right? He had Tony and the team and he was alive. He didn’t want to waste any more time thinking about what may or may not have happened.

“Come on Tony, can we just not think about what happened for a little while.”

“You were covered in blood Steve.”

“I know but I just, I just don’t remember… I don’t want to.”

Steve pulled free from Tony and walked to the main living room. His body was getting heavy and his mind was fuzzy. It felt as if he could almost sleep.

“You can’t keep pushing this aside Steve. You didn’t see yourself; see what happened when I found you.” He saw the blond sit on the couch motioning for him to follow. “No, you need to listen to me. I thought you were going to die Steve.”

“I’m fine, look I’m here and you’re here and I’m happy, so can we just sit here and watch something, please,” Steve asked.

Tony folded his arms. It was so unfair when Steve gave him that puppy dog look. How in the hell was he supposed to say no to that.

“Fine, but we will eventually have this conversation Steve.”

So he sat next to Steve and the other man slumped slightly and leaned against him, head resting on Tony’s shoulder. The TV was on but neither of them seemed to really be watching. Tony let the conversation slide and Steve slowly relaxed sighing in contentment.

They had both dozed off for a couple hours when Tony had woken to find Steve gone. He hadn’t wasted any time searching for the other; instead he had just asked JARVIS where the man had gone off to.

“Captain Rogers is on the floor of his room’s bathroom. He seems to be in duress,” JARVIS informed him.

Sure enough Steve was kneeling on the bathroom floor seeming to have just expelled all the food he had eaten earlier.

“I’m fine,” Steve said wiping his mouth with the back of his hand before rolling to the side and leaning against the wall.

“You’re not fine.” Tony leaned down to comfort Steve. “You’re shaking again.”

Steve’s body was cold and his muscles ached again. He’d woken from beside Tony head throbbing and feeling nauseous. He’d barley made it a few steps before he knew he was going to expel the food from earlier. It had taken all his will not to vomit until he’d reached his own floor level. Not five minutes after he’d crippled over in blinding pain. The same pain he’d felt when Tony had found him earlier.

Tony was trying to lift him to his feet when another wave of nausea hit and he had to vomit for a third time. Tony rubbed his back until the heaving stopped. At this point there was nothing left to expel which surprisingly lessened the pain. However his stomach ached with hunger again and a burning need filled the gap where food once occupied.

How could he still be hungry after everything that had just happened? The thought of food only made him more nauseated but deep down there was a yearning for something of a different kind. Was he going insane? Maybe Tony was right, he needed to remember because he couldn’t go on like this, especially not with this feeling.

“Something is very wrong,” Steve said as Tony wiped his mouth and face with a damp cloth.

“You need to get to bed. I’ll get Bruce; see if he’s found out anything from your blood samples or your file.”

As it turned out, Bruce had only just finished looking through the files and started running the first phases of tests on Steve’s blood when Tony had rushed in and explained about the recent happenings. Bruce had insisted on giving Steve the IV again. He’d altered the solution based on the findings in Steve’s file and the factors of the past few days.

“You said he keeps complaining about being hungry?”

Tony nodded. “You should have seen him. He literally ate everything in the fridge.”

“Based on the serum, Steve’s DNA and the fact that he doesn’t seem to be able to keep food down I think he should have a buffer of some kind, Gelofusine should work for now followed by added D5W.”

“And this will help?”

“Based on what you’re telling me and what I’ve read from his file, yes, I think this will help. If what’s happening to Steve is what I think it is then this is very serious Tony. You were definitely right about keeping Steve away from SHIELD.”

Tony frowned. What did Bruce know?

“If you know something Bruce-” Tony was cut off by JARVIS informing him that the Captain was trying to leave his room.

“Shit, um I have to go. Thanks for this.” Tony held up the IV bag.

“Tony…” Bruce called. “You need to read Steve’s file as soon as possible. If you have questions and I know you will, come see me when you get Steve settled in.”

Tony was almost to the elevator when Bruce poked his head around the side.

“Tony,” Bruce called again. “Please be careful.”

On his way back to Steve Tony thought about what Bruce had said. Be careful? Why did he have to be careful? Bruce obviously found something in those files.

“Tony?” Steve called out.

“What the hell are you doing?” Tony ushered Steve back into bed.

“You left…”

“Shhh, I’m here.”

Steve was barely able to stay on his feet. He was wobbling and jittery. He had a cold sweat and was clutching at his stomach desperately. Whatever Bruce had given him better work because they were running out of options at this point.

“Here, lie down. Bruce gave me something to help.”

Tony could barely keep Steve still enough to insert the IV but once in the effects were instantaneous. Steve seemed to calm considerably. His breathing was still ragged but his heart rate was leveling out and his tremors seemed to subside.

Thank god for Bruce. He’d be completely lost without the other man. Tony was almost completely useless in situations like this. Panic would set in and all he could think about was the fact that his best friend was lying in his arms screaming in agony and he couldn’t make whatever it was stop.

Tony had forgotten Steve’s file and as if reading his mind Steve pulled Tony closer so as to not let him leave.

“Just… please stay here with me.”

Tony curled further around Steve. “I’m, not going anywhere. Just sleep, you’ll feel better when you wake.”

And Steve did but the hunger was even more intense now than ever. He’d been awake for a bit now, his skin tingling where it touched Tony’s. The dark haired man was still asleep and Steve was too comfortable to move. He felt safe here next to Tony and the only thing keeping him from complete insanity was watching Tony. His perfect cheek bones, the feel of the stubble on his chin. Tony arched slightly in his sleep exposing his neck. Steve reached out placing his hand on Tony’s shoulder. He slid his hand up and along exposed skin stopping to rest on Tony’s pulse point.

“Beautiful,” Steve whispered.

He ran his thumb in small circles on Tony’s skin. He could feel the steady jump of Tony’s heartbeat. His fingers burned at the feel and the hunger deep down twisted happily in his stomach. His eyes narrowed into that small area of flesh where the blood flowed just beneath taught skin. He wanted to taste, to press his lips to Tony’s neck, to feel that pulse against his lips.

Steve’s blood seemed to heat and rush quicker. He needed Tony and the more he watched the more his mind screamed “YES” that hunger was telling him now that it was Tony he needed. Tony was what could fill that void… all of Tony, his words, his skin, his blood…

One taste, he could have that at least. There was no harm in that right? It was just one simple taste.

“YES,” Steve’s mind ricochet this one simple word around in his skull. Steve needed, wanted and craved. All of this could be fixed with Tony somehow.

The hunger intensified and Steve pressed his thumb harder into Tony’s pulse and the man moaned opening his eyes.

“Hey,” Tony said and Steve’s eyes flicked from tempting flesh to deep brown eyes.

“Hmm,” Steve bit his lip.

“You look better.”

“I’m still hungry,” Steve stated not taking is eyes off of Tony.

“That’s strange don’t you think,” Tony said as he rose from the bed his movements slow from sleep. He replace the IV bag with the second provided by Bruce. “This should help with that, being that you can’t seem to keep solids down.”

“It won’t matter.”

“What do you mean?” Tony asked rubbing his eyes.

“That’s… that’s not what I need. It won’t help.”

“Then what do you need?” Tony asked. He was still in the process of replacing the solution bag.

“…”

Steve just stared at him, an eerie expression on his face. He was pulling the small tube from his arm.

“Steve, you can’t just- I mean you have to get nutrients somehow.”

“I told you, it won’t matter.”

“Bruce says-“

“I don’t care what Dr. Banner says, this is pointless Tony.”

Tony walked into the bathroom returning with a glass of water. “If you can keep this down then you can keep the IV out but if not it goes back in.”

Tony held the glass in front of Steve’s face.

“You don’t understand Tony, even if I drink that… it won’t…”

“How do you know? Bruce said that he’s on to something. He just might have figured out what the hell it is those people wanted from you and unless you can remember something, we are running out of options.”

Tony wiggled the glass of water in front of Steve.

“Drink it.”

“Tony…”

“Damnit Steve, just drink the water.”

Steve took the glass from Tony’s hand and sipped the cool water. He heard Tony’s phone buzz, watched as he ignored the call. Tony was mumbling to himself when the phone buzzed again and JARVIS alerted Tony that Director Fury was on the line requesting to speak.

“Tell him I’m unavailable,” Tony insisted.

There was a pause before JARVIS spoke again. “He insists sir.”

“Sonofabitch, um, Steve I have to take this so just relax, have JARVIS notify me if something happens.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Steve watched wearily as Tony left. His skin was itching and his brain buzzed with panic. Everything seemed better when Tony was close by. The hunger always intensified but his mind felt at peace. He finished the last of the water then headed to the bathroom. The hot water seemed to help the previous time so maybe another shower would help again. His skin was sweaty and his mouth felt like cotton. The water was staying down so far but it was far too early to tell at this point.

Steve rubbed his abdomen and tried to push all thoughts of food aside. It only served to make him nauseous anyway. It wasn’t like when he first felt the craving. Back then he had thought it was for food… normal food. The pizza, all the leftovers, but that had proved unsatisfying and disgusting, not to mention unwise. It had all tasted so good at the time but now all there seemed to be was an inhuman hunger. Hunger and pain, all of it pushing at his mind and whenever he pushed back, blinding pain would follow.

Steve sighed and closed his eyes. The heat from the water definitely helped. Continuing to stroke his stomach he cleared his mind, breathed deeply and tried to focus on what happened after he blacked out during the mission. There was darkness… pitch black nothingness… a searing pain… pressure… voices, yes there were voices. They were hushed but he heard them speaking to him, and then all the black had blended to red when he opened his eyes. The voices turned to screams and his hands had started to tremble. There was so much red, everywhere… so much of it. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to run… only crimson showering over everything. Finally no more screams, only silence and warm liquid between his fingers.

So warm… and then the hunger...

“The taste of metal,” Steve whispered. “No, no, no…”

His brain screamed YES.

Steve’s eyes snapped open and he gasped for breath. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t have done what he thought he had. His memory was still too foggy to be certain.

His thoughts went to Tony and his belly burned with desire.

“No,” He whispered again. “No, no, noooo.”

……….

Tony slammed his fist down onto the workshop table in frustration. That latest video chat with Fury had been a complete waste of time. He’d gotten nowhere in regards to Steve. Fury was as cryptic as ever and Tony was pretty sure SHIELD knew Steve was hold up at the Avenger Tower. It was only a matter of time before a variety of trained agents were sent to bring the United States back their secret weapon. Fuck if they thought he was just going to hand Steve over, especially after Bruce’s comment about SHIELD getting their hands on Steve. This was their fault to begin with and… holy shit he was supposed to read Steve’s file. Um, okay Bruce was going kill him and double shit because Steve was still upstairs and he hadn’t heard anything. He prayed to god the man wasn’t unconscious or dead.

“JARVIS, can you bring up Steve’s file, you know the one.”

There was a flash followed by a stack of blue holographic panes with an array of info.

“Perfect, thanks.”

“Sir,” JARVIS replied.

He needed to check in with Bruce and then check on Steve, or maybe the other way around but first he had to read this because Bruce seemed extremely alarmed at the findings.

Tony scanned the first few pages. There really wasn’t anything new here. Medical records of Steve before the serum, project rebirth specs, and… he scrolled down. Bingo. There was something about a second serum in development, a type of cell death to counter act the original serum changes. Phase II success on a molecular level with both Atrophic and Autophagy factors.

Did he read that right? There was a second serum and one that reversed the effects of Project Rebirth? So this had nothing to do with the previous attempts at recreating Erskine’s original serum, this was meant to destroy… to kill.

Tony flipped to the next window and read on. For all intents and purposes the serum was a success and SHIELD had all the needed info to basically kill Captain America. But why the hell would SHIELD have this? Were they the ones creating the serum? If so why? This had to be the reason why Fury wanted Steve back so badly. None of it made any sense. Tony continued to read.

_“All data inconclusive. Further analysis required.”_

Inconclusive?

_“Original subject required.”_

Shit, that must be why the unknown group of people wanted Steve, why they took him. SHIELD wanted all the data and using Steve was the only way to go about it. They were either going to collect all the data and hopefully destroy it or use it against Steve.

So was this why Steve was acting so strange? The mysterious illness… his lack of memory… the disruption in the effects of the serum?

“Fuck,” Tony hissed. “Steve had been injected with the anti-serum.” It was the only logical explanation

“There’s no way of knowing the effects…”

“The effects of what?” Steve asked walking up beside Tony.

“Holy shit, warn a guy would ya- oh fuck that hurt,” Tony hissed. “Okay that’s gonna leave a mark.” His hand was throbbing where it slid against sharp metal.

“I knocked but you were…” Steve slowly trailed off.

His eyes narrowed and all focus went to the large slice in Tony’s hand. There was an angry line from the center of his palm to the base of his wrist. Blood was already seeping from the wound.

“You surprised me,” Tony said cradling his hand. He was moving about frantically in search of something to press against the cut to stop the bleeding.

Steve continued to watch motionless. Tony seemed to be speaking but he couldn’t make out the words. His senses were alive and screaming but all he could focus on was the blood running in thin lines down Tony’s arm. Small droplets hit the workshop floor causing Steve’s eyes to flick down momentarily before returning to Tony’s hand. The ache in his belly intensified to an agonizing burn and he was all too aware of what he hungered for. “ _It_ ” was there all around him, flowing beneath layers of skin and muscle, seeping to the surface.

Steve’s fingers twitched and his tongue swiped over his bottom lip. He couldn’t take his eyes off of Tony… off of the tempting red flowing down his wrist. It was as if time had stopped for Steve. Nothing mattered except the hunger and the hunger wanted this.

“Blood,” Steve whispered as he stepped closer to Tony.

The rich metallic scent of blood filled his nose and his mouth watered as if being tempted by the most decadent of foods. Never had he been so aware of needing something this badly in his entire life. Tony was here waiting in front of him, asking, offering, and all he had to do was take one more step. One more step and he’d be there, taking what he so desperately needed.

“It’s really not as bad as it looks,” Tony said. He looked down at his hand. “See, the blood is already stopping.” He flashed a nervous smile as he held up his arm as if to show Steve that the blood flow had indeed stopped.

It was in that moment that Tony looked into Steve’s eyes and saw undeniable raw desire.

“Steve…”

Within seconds Steve was up against Tony, cool fingers grasping his forearm. Tony was again surprised but unable to form words as he felt Steve’s lips press to his wrist. His knees threatened to buckle at the feel of a warm tongue flicking along his wrist.

“W-what are you doing?” Tony finally asked in disbelief. He was frozen in place completely dumbfounded as to what was happening right before his eyes. Was Steve licking him?

Panic bubbled just below the surface as Steve continued to lick the blood from Tony’s cut. His mind was caught somewhere between enthrallment and fear and when he felt Steve pulling him closer he couldn’t pull back. This was Steve and gods it felt so strange, but those lips… tainted crimson brushing against his wrist…

His mind screamed at him to become aware, to pull away, as if secretly JARVIS was tapped into his subconscious setting off warnings to get away and maybe he was but Tony could barely focus, not with Steve’s body so close; not with the feel of his mouth and tongue.

_No, it felt too good to run._

Steve moaned deep in his throat and flicked his tongue again as if in answer to Tony’s thoughts. The sweet burst of blood over his tongue pushed all feelings of pain and emptiness away and with each greedy lick Steve’s nerves settled until his mind glazed over in bliss.

A little bit more, that was all he needed, just a bit deeper and everything would be satisfied. So he tightened his grip and bit down. That was when Tony began to push at him in a panic. Steve could feel his fear as he thrashed about against him. Steve pressed on pushing down with his teeth, he was so close now, just a little bit more and…

“Stop,” Tony whimpered.

Steve became all too aware of what was happening now, what he was doing here with Tony, in his friend’s workshop.

Steve felt Tony moving again, pulling his arm free. Tony stumbled backwards away from him and all Steve could sense now was a fading desire being smothered by fear.

What had he done? How could he have wanted something so- so impure? Tony was his best friend, his comrade but the hunger had fogged his mind, made him feel and act in ways not human.

Steve looked down at his hands. There were smudges of Tony’s blood at the tips of his fingers. Oh god he’d…

Steve looked up. “Tony, I- I don’t know what’s happening, what I just did...” He reached out to the other man.

“Don’t,” Tony said stepping back.

“Oh god, what did I do? Tony…”

Steve felt shame and disgust well up inside himself. Seeing Tony flinch at his touch only proved to him how disturbed he was. How his sanity was in question. How could someone want to drink from their friend, to feed on their blood? How could they want to satisfy a need in such a way?

He couldn’t be here right now. Not with Tony staring at him like this, not with the truth of what he had been doing… what he had been feeling. His stomach was sated but now his heart ached.

“I- I… oh god Tony I, I’m so sorry, please just understand that, that I don’t know what happened, I mean I just...” Steve looked away wiping his hands down his shirt front. “I was so hungry and you- the blood, it made me feel...” There was too much red just like before. It coated his fingers and clung heavily to his tongue. It was everywhere closing in around him.

_Run_ , his mind screamed.

Tony’s expression changed from that of fear to one of pity as he saw the emotional turmoil flicker across Steve’s face. The man was so inexplicably scared.

He imagined he looked like a cornered animal because Steve stepped back putting more space between the two of them. Tony knew that look, understood what one’s body language looked like when one was going to run away from it all, and that is exactly what Steve did. He was gone from the workshop in an instant. Tony’s legs quivered and he almost slid to the floor. He felt for the table’s edge and slumped over in shock. Why hadn’t he stopped Steve from running? The blond was so scared and confused, much like Tony himself was feeling right now but that last look on Steve’s face broke Tony’s heart. Tony hadn’t meant to pull away, but sitting somewhere in the back of his brain, there was confusion and from that confusion more fear. It seemed to hold him in place and when Steve had locked eyes with him, pleading, begging for him to understand Tony could only stare back speechless.

“Sir, are you alright?” Tony heard JARVIS ask.

“Give me a moment JARVIS, just a moment, to pull myself together.”

There was no reply. He just stood there on weak legs, collecting his thoughts. When he was able to think rationally again he’d go find Steve. Bruce had found him though.

“I saw Steve rushing up stairs,” Bruce said as he approached calmly. “Did he do that?” He pointed to Tony’s hand.

“No,” Tony answered honestly. The look on Bruce’s face showed that he thought Tony was fibbing. How could he think that Steve would harm him in anyway? ‘ _But he did try to bite you_ ’ his mind reminded him.

“Then what happened?”

“I accidentally cut myself on one of the spare parts to my suit, that’s all.”

Bruce adjusted his glasses and glanced around the workshop. “Did you two have a fight then?”

“No, we were just talking and he startled me…”

“And?”

“He- he tried to bite me, and I know that sounds crazy but he was acting strange and-“

“He tried to bite you.” It wasn’t a question and the way Bruce said it, the way he looked, so completely serious, not like someone who thought the words coming out of Tony’s mouth were complete madness. And that was exactly what this was… _wasn’t it_?

“Was it because of the blood from your cut that caused it him to react that way?” Bruce asked. Tony could tell he was putting pieces together in his head as if he were about to solve some great riddle.

“I don’t know? I mean he was just standing there watching me, and it was in a creepy ‘ _I’m gonna murder you_ ’ kinda way. It was like he was in some kind of trance,” Tony said.

“You didn’t read his file did you?” Bruce asked exasperated.

“I was in the middle of doing that,” Tony said, “but Steve walked in and scared the shit out of me.” Tony flexed his fingers feeling the tight pull of damaged skin. “Thus, my hand.”

“He’s sick Tony,” Bruce began. “He was infected with something, a secondary serum to counteract the original.”

“I got that much, and the side effects are unknown at this point.”

“Yes, but what I’ve noticed so far seems to lead me to conclude he’s experiencing a condition called Porphyria, acute porphyrias to be exact. Come with me.” Bruce beckoned Tony to follow. They entered his lab within a few minutes and Bruce gestured towards a microscope on the lab counter. “This is a sample of Steve’s blood. What do you see?”

Tony leaned down looking through the scope at the slide containing Steve’s blood. He could see the red blood cells, but they were disfigured somehow… dying, and his white blood count was off the charts. None of this should be, not with Erskine’s serum and most definitely not with Steve’s body at the peak of perfection. He fused with the serum on a molecular level. Steve should be immune to all facets of disease.

“The secondary serum did this?” Tony asked.

“Yes, causing advanced cell death. He’s essentially losing red blood cells at a rapid rate and when forming new cells they are dying off and when he reforms the cells they are starting to mutate. Just like what you are seeing now.”

“Both serums are fighting to monopolize Steve’s body, and from what I’m seeing, necrosis begins but is overridden by autophagocytosis.” Tony ran a hand through his hair. That would explain the dead cells followed by the mutated blood cells. The more he watched the cells under the microscope the more he could see the cells mutating. “So this porphyria or whatever, it’s one of the side effects?”

“It’s ‘ _the_ ’ side effect. His immune system is fighting itself. Every cell, centered mostly in the blood, is essentially trying to kill him.” Bruce adjusted his glasses. “Being that he is not properly creating hemoglobin or the proteins required in his body he needs blood and by _need_ I mean he _craves_ it.”

Tony was reminded of all the times Steve complained about being hungry. That explained why Steve had been unable to keep regular food down and why he reacted the way he had at the sight of his blood.

“When you told me how Steve reacted to the sight of your blood and the fact that he tried to bite you, well, he literally wants to ingest your blood,” Bruce said.

“Like a vampire?” Tony wanted to smack himself at that remark. Of course Steve wasn’t a vampire, not really. Somehow he found it far easier to believe that then this anti-serum created by a bizarre group of people connected with SHIELD. The prospect of a bioweapon having been created to kill Captain America made Tony sick to his stomach and why the fuck would SHIELD keep something like this around if so? They had actually used Steve as bait to draw out these nut jobs.

“So, is there a way to cure this?” Tony asked.

“At this point I’d say no, but there are options.”

“I think I know where you’re going with this, so let me rephrase. Is there anything we can do that doesn’t involve Steve having to ingest human blood or blood of any kind for that matter?”

Bruce’s eyebrows scrunched together in sympathy. “You have to understand Tony, that this isn’t something that can be mapped out and easily cured. We have no idea what this secondary serum is capable of or how Steve will continue to react. The fact that I was able to conclude this much is almost a miracle.”

“But you said he has—“

“Porphyria, yes, but I still need to run more tests. Under no circumstances should Steve leave the tower.”

Tony realized then that SHIELD posed a far greater threat if Bruce was adamant about keeping Steve hidden. SHIELD probably already knew he was here and it was only a matter of time before agents were sent to retrieve Steve. Clint and Natasha flashed through his mind and he wondered if SHIELD would go as far as to send one or both of them? Would Steve fight back or would he go willingly? Tony hoped he wouldn't have to find out the answers to this. Thankfully Bruce seemed to understand Steve’s situation on a personal level. He knew all too well what it was like to fight your inner demons. If Tony had to trust anyone with this… with Steve’s life, it would absolutely be Bruce.

“So,” Tony began, “what do we do now, cause I’m pretty sure Steve wants to eat me and I’m telling you right now there is no way I’m _not_ going to help him and to help him I have to be in contact with him.”

“You might not be able to be around him for prolonged periods of time,” Bruce said. “I need to go see him and I think for now you should be there. It will give me a good base line for how he reacts. If he becomes manic you’ll have to leave of course.”

“Of course,” Tony said back. The strangest thought of walking around Steve with his armor on constantly flashed through his mind. Sure that was an option but Tony really didn't like the idea of doing that for the rest of his life. So Tony hoped that his being around Steve would work out for the better because it wasn't like before when he didn't care. Not like when Steve wasn't a friend or willing to be a part of his private life. He didn't want to have to stay away from Steve now that he’d finally come to terms with the fact that they needed each other. Why was it that he always figured out everything important too late?


	4. Chapter 4

At first Steve didn’t seem so keen on letting either of them into his apartment but after some serious begging on Tony’s part and a promise for him to stay across the room, he allowed the two of them to enter. Why Bruce wasn’t forced to make the same promise Tony didn’t know but he stayed true to his word and leaned nervously against the far wall of Steve’s living room. Bruce was fiddling with a syringe all the while asking Steve a series of questions that Tony was positive Steve didn’t even pay much attention to. Steve just kept watching him and couldn’t seem to relax until Tony himself relaxed against the wall. It was as if Bruce didn’t exist. There was no pulling away as the needle pressed into his arm and only when Bruce asked about Tony did Steve snap out of his fixation long enough to look up at Bruce from his spot on the couch.

“I’m sorry Dr. Banner, what were you asking?”

Bruce glanced back at Tony, raised an eyebrow and then heaved out a sigh. “I wanted to know how you felt right now.”

“Quite good.”

“And the pain?” Bruce asked.

Steve purposely shifted to look around Bruce in Tony’s direction. He may feel a bit better but the feelings he was having in regards to his best friend were far from good. It was as if he had become obsessed. His focus was innocent enough at first and then something as simple as glancing up at Tony from under his lashes morphed into a new feeling altogether. He focused on every detail and movement Tony made from the twitch of the man’s fingers to the way he would inhale and exhale while breathing and at the center of all of this was the ache in his belly. The more he tried to clear his mind of these thoughts, the more he found himself watching and memorizing each and every detail that there was to Tony.

The hunger was not something that he seemed to be able to control.

Well it was always there but easier to handle depending on the situation. For instance Steve had been aware of Tony’s approach long before he heard the soft knock at his apartment door. It was like he was hyper aware of Tony’s whereabouts even if there was concrete and metal separating them. Sure the distance helped the ache but after tasting Tony’s blood it was as if there was a connection linking the two of them and the closer Tony came the harder it was for Steve to control himself. It wasn’t as bad right now and he hadn’t even noticed when Bruce followed Tony into his living room earlier. He could feel and smell Tony’s blood but when it came to Bruce he felt nothing. There was no want or need there what so ever and at times Bruce’s presence seemed to shield his mind from focusing on Tony.

“Do you feel hungry now?” Bruce asked.

When the other man touched his hand Steve felt his face heat with shame. “It… it’s there but manageable. I mean there’s this feeling and I don’t understand why but I want—“ 

“Blood,” Bruce interjected.

Steve nodded. “I mean, the need only subsided when, after I… what I did to Tony—“

Steve could barely make sense of what he was trying to say. He just wanted one of them to understand.

“It’s not your fault,” Bruce said filling the last of six vials. “You were injected with a secondary serum. Its sole purpose was to kill you but as you can see you’re very much alive… at least for now.”

“What do you mean for now?” Steve asked. Was he going to die? He heard Tony shout something along the lines of ‘ _bullshit_ ’ and ‘ _no, you are not going to die_ ’ but Bruce was shushing him.

“So, then what’s wrong with me? If this,” Steve gestured to himself, “if this was caused by an alternate serum how am I supposed to function?”

It was then that Bruce and Tony went about explaining to him about SHIELD, the secondary serum and its possible effects on him. How he had a disease that Bruce referred to as Porphyria and that with further testing and the proper care it could be managed. It was apparently very rare but in Steve’s case changing constantly. Bruce had said something about his cells dying and his body not producing blood properly. In all truth this disease was only a side effect of the secondary serum and others could arise at any time. The hunger was in fact another side effect of the disease and it would only intensify until Steve literally ingested blood. There was no way Steve was going to do that. There had to be another way, something capable of being used as a substitute. It was like a double edged sword. On one hand being near Tony put him at ease and on the other all he wanted to do was fall prey to his basic needs and urges. Steve couldn’t figure out if these people that had taken him had planned on his death or hoped for something more sinister. Steve could only wish it had been death because if he hurt someone, hurt the people he loved… hurt Tony, he didn’t know if he could stay sane long enough to keep himself from completing their original task.

“I should be dead,” Steve said.

“But you’re not,” Tony said pushing off the wall. He was now standing beside Bruce just inches from the couch. “Bruce is going to run more tests. Both he and I will keep looking until we figure something out.”

Steve smiled softly. Of course Tony would try everything. Go to all lengths even, but Steve needed something now and he wasn’t sure how long he would be able to control the hunger.

“For the time being you stay indoors,” Bruce said. “Like I told Tony, you are far safer if you keep a low profile. No going out, no missions and no talking to anyone. No phone calls.”

Steve wanted to protest, at least about the missions but what good was he really if he couldn’t control himself. “Agreed.”

Bruce nodded adjusting his glasses. “I’m going to go compile all the information I have and see if I can create something to help with your hunger. From there I will get to work on researching treatment for the Porphyria.”

Steve could only hope for a miracle.

……….

It had been four days since the incident in Tony’s workshop and Steve was beginning to feel the _yearning_ deep inside. His muscles were beginning to ache and his mind was starting to get foggy. Tony and Bruce had been in and out of his apartment numerous times with new information regarding the second serum. Bruce had tried many blood substitutes but they had all failed. They either caused him to become ill or he’d expel them within minutes. Tony had even suggested the use of animal blood. Desperate at the time Steve had begrudgingly agreed. That too had not worked. Animal blood was better than the synthetic substitutes, but he’d recoiled from the taste and shortly after vomited. Steve was beginning to think that there was no way of getting around the drinking of human blood.

All the tests and exams, they were becoming a daily thing, something Steve was getting used to but not hating any less. He would either go to Bruce’s lab or Bruce would come to him. His heart would fall that much more at each failed attempt to find a method of coping, but Bruce would put a hand on his shoulder and tell him that they still had plenty of options. Steve knew this was Bruce’s way of comforting him but he wasn’t stupid. Steve knew that the longer this went on the closer he was to losing his sanity. Steve was beginning to think that he just might die from this.

He was on his fifth day now without food and his body was starting to react much like it had on those first nights. Steve was sitting alone in his room trying and failing miserably to draw something in his sketch book. Being inside was taking its toll on him and he desperately wanted to be outside. On the days he felt well enough he would go to the gym Tony built specially for him but right now he could barely hold up his drawing pencil. He was exhausted and irritable.

Steve heard a knock at his apartment door but knew already that it was Tony. He wondered briefly if he ignored Tony long enough if the man would go away? He wasn’t in the frame of mind to see Tony right now, or physically for that matter.

Tony was a constant during all of this and if he wasn’t doing his own research in his workshop then he was spending all his time with Steve. It was easy at first but as the hunger intensified, being around Tony was proving extremely difficult. Being that he was such a vivacious person, Tony spoke wildly with his whole being. It was mild interaction at first but always with touches. Steve was sure that Tony only meant to comfort but those hands… they were everywhere, all over him. Always touching and a closeness that Steve was finding hard to ignore the longer Tony spent time with him. At first Steve had thought Tony was fearful of him but Tony, as if reading his mind, would brush his bangs from his forehead and curl up close to him and start a long conversation to ease his mind. Tony had made a habit of sitting with his thigh pressed to his and he’d go on for what felt like hours talking to Steve about his research or what mod he was creating for his armor. Steve would inhale deeply, close his eyes and just listen to Tony talk. Sometimes Steve would sketch, other times he’d just relax and watch as Tony talked in a rush about something that amazed him. Taking in Tony’s words and let his voice roll over him. It was the perfect balm. Tony seemed happy this way and so was Steve but his body was becoming wracked with discomfort and pain.

Steve heard more knocking and sighed. “Come in Tony.”

“How’d you know it was me?”

_Because I can smell you_ , Steve wanted to say. “I guess I just know your knock,” he said instead. He was able to tell the difference between Tony and Bruce by scent alone. He’d found out right away that he had no interest whatsoever in Bruce’s blood and he figured that this probably had to do with the fact that Bruce and the ‘ _other guy_ ’ were one and the same. His body somehow knew that Bruce’s blood was tainted with the gamma radiation so there was never a risk of hurting Bruce, at least not in that sense. Tony on the other hand brought up every primal need Steve had. Steve was quickly realizing that with these new needs came feelings and urges he was finding harder and harder to suppress.

It was worse now that he was so hungry. So when Tony sat beside him on the couch like always, the warm press of thigh against thigh, Steve had to force himself to stare down at his sketch paper.

“How are you feeling today?” Tony asked.

Oh how Steve was sick of hearing that question. Probably about as much as he was sick of getting asked about his memories. He knew Tony only wanted to help but this was ridiculous.

“I have another blood substitute for you to try.” Tony pulled out a small vial. Steve continued to stare down at the small circles he was creating with the drawing pencil. Why bother, it would just be another failure.

Steve heard Tony pull the stopper off the vial and right away Steve knew that this wasn’t like the others. The smell was different, this was…

“Tony, that’s—“

He was cut off by red stained fingers pressing to his mouth smearing along his bottom lip. Oh god, this was… Steve inhaled sharply as his tongue swiped along his bottom lip. Tony… this was Tony’s blood.

No no no no no. “Tony, you can’t, you don’t know what you’re doing.” Steve had dropped his sketch book and was pressing himself to the furthest end of the couch. He had to get away from Tony, away from this temptation and that was exactly what this was, a temptation so perfect that Steve felt his mouth water in anticipation. Of course Tony was offering up this solution. Tony knew right from the start that Steve couldn’t say no, so he crawled closer offering up his blood stained fingers and when Steve turned away Tony just presses closer against him insistently pressing his fingertips to Steve’s lips.

Steve tried to turn his head away. His protests were weak because even as he turned his head away he couldn’t stop from leaning in towards Tony. A bloodied finger slipped past his bottom lip and over his tongue.

And there it was, that pure hedonistic bliss that followed as the taste of Tony’s blood exploded over his tongue. He couldn’t help himself, not now and probably never. Giving in felt so much easier then running at this point so he grabbed at Tony’s wrist and wrapped his lips around the man’s fingers. He sucked at them greedily. Tony made a small noise in the back of his throat. Steve was like a cat lapping at a bowl of heavy cream.

“Here, just give me a second.” Tony was pouring more of the blood along his fingers and just as quickly Steve was lapping at the blood and just like before the hunger began to subside.

It didn’t take long for him to finish off the vial. Though one vial didn’t seem like much it was apparent by his body’s reaction that even in small amounts human blood could easily sustain him. If having such a small amount of Tony’s blood made him feel stronger what would happen if he consumed large quantities?

Steve sat against Tony with his head bowed. They were quiet and Steve slowly began to come down from his high.

“You… how could you,” Steve whispered into Tony’s shoulder.

“Would you have taken it if I offered?”

Steve pushed Tony away. “You had no right doing something like that.” He was furious. How dare Tony give him real blood and how dare he use his own.

“You’re better.”

“But for how long Tony? A few days, and then what? Are you going to carry around vials of your own blood to feed me?” Steve said in disgust. “What happens when the vials are no longer enough?”

“If it helps then I’m willing to give you all the blood you need,” Tony said. He was trying to pull Steve close again but the blond continued to slap his hands away.

“You may be willing but I’m not.” Shit, all he could think about was the sweet taste of Tony’s blood over his tongue. Tony’s pulse was pounding in his ears and his skin buzzed with want. The more they talked about this the more the whole idea of Tony offering up his body for Steve became a tempting solution. Even now Tony couldn’t keep his hands to himself. He relentlessly pulled at Steve until he sagged in defeat. He did feel better, perfect actually but he couldn’t keep going on like this. He couldn’t go through this again, didn’t want Tony bringing him vials of blood like some kind of vampire. It was disgusting.

“I’d rather die than have you give me your blood,” Steve said.

Tony was grabbing his shoulders and shaking him roughly. “Don’t you ever say that, do you understand me? I don’t give a shit what we have to do. You killing yourself is not an option. Me sitting back while you waste away into nothing, also not gonna happen.”

Steve felt Tony reach up to hold the sides of his face and he had to force himself to breath. There was so much concern and love there. Deep inside those gorgeous eyes Steve could see how much not being able to help his friend was affecting Tony. He was selfish in thinking he could just end everything and leave Tony here alone.

“Promise me you won’t do anything stupid,” Tony asked.

Steve nodded and he pressed his forehead to Tony’s. He didn’t want to promise that. What if in doing so he doomed Tony to a fate worse than death?

“Say it.” Tony demanded.

“I promise,” Steve said, even if he felt like dying.

……….

When Bruce found out what Tony had done in regards to the vial of his own blood, let’s just say it was a miracle the Hulk hadn’t come out to say hi. Bruce had considered it risky but a much needed boost to Steve’s immune system. They had come to the conclusion that blood substitutes were pointless. Steve had adverse effects to these. Consuming human blood seemed the best and up until now the only sure option. One vial sustained Steve for 4 days comfortably. Luckily their research had paid off and Tony now had a sustainable treatment for Steve through the use of heme arginate. Though studies and use were very strict in the United States Tony was able to get his hands on it quite easily. Bruce had to alter the solution based on Steve’s symptoms and cell change but it had proven successful.

When Steve had asked about the treatment Tony could tell he was hoping for a cure. Of course this wasn’t that but it prolonged his attacks for up to 10 days. During this time Steve was able to consume normal foods. He needed a diet rich in proteins and carbohydrates which was already something he had to do because of Erskine’s serum. Lucky bastard getting to eat all the junk food he wanted.

Just when things around the tower were beginning to look up, the others made an appearance. Thor had returned from Asgard, wasn’t even here more than a day, when Natasha and Clint had showed up having finished their mission. Tony wasn’t too happy to see them and right from the start was confrontational. He’d spoken to Clint early on about the tower, how everyone was doing but Natasha had stayed to herself. Clint not so subtly asked about Steve’s whereabouts. As if he didn’t already know.

“Why are you here?” Tony asked.

“Told you, we finished our mission early,” Clint answered.

“And?”

“And what? You were the one that wanted everyone together, made a place for each one of us here.”

“Yes but—“ Tony could feel Natasha watching him even as he spoke with Clint and Tony couldn't help but feel threatened.

“Then what’s so strange about us coming back?”

Tony knew damn well why they were here. Why they had cut their mission short to come back here. In an instant everything they had all worked for was being threatened by fear and loyalty. This was what Tony had wanted to avoid. Jesus Christ Natasha looked like evil incarnate right now. Clint was rummaging around in the fridge but Natasha was about to invade his personal space, wanting information on Steve no less, but Bruce stepped up behind Tony stopping her in her tracks.

“So, _he_ sent the two of you.” And by _he_ they all new Bruce meant Fury. Natasha backed down with one look from Bruce and in that moment Tony wanted to kiss the other man. Let those two have their secret missions for Fury, cause there was no way he was letting them take Steve from this tower.

After the small confrontation in the kitchen, Natasha had stayed to herself for the next few days. Tony didn’t see her much at all and he would have panicked if not for the fact that he had JARVIS on alert to notify him if she went anywhere near Steve’s floor. Clint on the other hand had commandeered the main living room and kept a cheerful if not sarcastic attitude with the others. He may have been talkative but Tony didn’t miss how his hands tightened around his bow or the way he would glance around the room when someone used the elevators or heard a noise. Most of the time he was hearing Thor and he would un-tense when the Asgardian entered the living room to watch television or play one of the gaming consoles.

Bruce offered to sit with Steve when Tony couldn’t. This seemed to work out fine until Steve wanted to venture out from his apartment. He would argue with Tony about not being a prisoner in his own room and that had made Tony step back and realize how much of a crazy over protective psycho he was being.

“I don’t mean to be this way,” he said, “but Tweedledee and Tweedledumb are back.”

“I presume you mean Natasha and Clint.” Steve was pacing the floor by his bed. “They wouldn't hurt me Tony.”

“You can’t know that Steve. Shit, Fury sent them here to bring you back.”

“Do you honestly think they could force me to do anything I didn't want to?” Steve said. He was on edge, and his body jerked as he walked back and forth. Day ten was closing in and his body was aching. He wanted to go to the gym, stretch is muscles, move around, see another set of walls, anything was better than sitting here thinking about the impeding agony of hunger. Ever since Clint and Natasha had arrived, Tony hadn’t allowed him to leave his floor level. “Are you afraid I might attack them?”

“Of course not,” Tony answered far too quickly. In reality it _had_ crossed his mind, especially now. He could see how hard Steve tried to keep himself in check. It was at the end of his cycles that his face betrayed just how tired he was. How much pain and agony he felt. Being under so much duress and having something so tempting at your fingertips… must be torture.

Tony was so close to Steve now stopping him from pacing. He looked at the small bump the metallic ring he’d given Steve, made through his shirt. Tony pressed his hand over it feeling it through Steve’s white T-shirt. “You still wear this?”

“Of course.”

“Yeah, I have mine here.” Tony tapped his chest. “I put it in as a replacement. I wear it on the inside.”

Steve smiled at the thought of Tony keeping the small part and putting it back into his reactor. It was moments like this that Steve felt at peace. He could honestly say that he needed this man beyond anything and anyone.

They stood together a few moments longer before Steve grimaced in pain and Tony slid his hand down to touch his hip.

“Are you alright?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just a bit dizzy.” Steve needed to sit. Maybe Tony was right. Going out there now would be inviting trouble and if by chance either Clint or Natasha did decide to go after him he wasn’t quite sure he could defend himself properly or not end up hurting one of them.

“Hey, sit down.” Tony guided him to the bed. “The onset of your pain is setting in pretty fast this time around.”

He just needed to get his body to relax. Maybe he could make it another day without having to get another transfusion. Bruce told him that this might happen, that even if he used the heme he may still suffer from attacks. It was at this time he wasn't so much overcome by hunger as he was the pain. These attacks were more likely to occur near the end of his cycle and left him writhing in pain followed by mild paralysis. He’d had a seizure twice and it was as if he was back in the small weakened body he had before the serum.

Steve crawled into his bed and curled in on his side. He felt Tony climbing up behind him wrapping his arms around his chest. “Shhh, just breath, that’s it, slowly.” Tony reached down rubbing small circles into Steve’s stomach. “Just focus on my voice and the feel of me breathing.”

The pain didn't pass quickly this time around. Steve ended up bedridden for three days. Tony had tried desperately to comfort him, to ease the pain but nothing helped. It had gotten so bad that Bruce came in and made him leave. Tony had wondered about the heme or a transfusion but Bruce had quickly pushed those ideas aside.

“Right now all we can do is let this pass. He’s too dangerous to risk one of us going in there and trying to administer the heme.”

Tony of course hated the very idea of leaving Steve alone but his thrashing was becoming more violent as the hours passed. Steve’s cries could be heard throughout the tower and at one point disturbed howls and crashes followed. This of course brought Natasha out of hiding. She had sat herself ever vigilant in the common room next to Clint. By this time Thor too had noticed and was showing extreme concern.

To make matters worse they had received orders for a mission. Tony would have outright refused to go if not for the fact that the mission specs had mentioned info regarding Steve’s captors. He needed any info regarding them, especially if it could help in curing Steve of his afflictions.

“And what of the Captain?” Thor asked.

Everyone’s eyes seemed to be looking at him for answers and Tony couldn't help but notice the way Natasha eyed him with suspicion. “JARVIS, keep Cap’s room in lockdown. Notify me if anything changes… or if anyone tries to enter.”

She might have thought this a convenient time to try and take Steve but Tony wasn't going to let her leave his sight, or Clint for that matter. As long as Bruce was near he thought that he’d be able to keep her under control. Funny to think such things in regards to your own teammates but Bruce being the Hulk was probably the only thing keeping Natasha from taking Steve back to SHIELD. She and Clint were their comrades but in the end Tony was beginning to see their points of loyalty. They were trained assassins brought up and trained for these very things and if SHIELD wanted Steve then they would stop at nothing to get what they wanted and apparently they weren't averse to sending “ _friends_ ”.

“So the Captain stays?” Thor asked again.

“He’s ill.” Tony heard Bruce say as he joined the team. “For now he’s better off staying at the tower.” And that was that. They all focused on the mission.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to darcylewis2012 for reading over all my chapters and helping me fix issues *hugs* also I'm really sorry for taking so long to update. I have no intention of abandoning this series so just hang in there with me. I'll try to be better with the next update. Enjoy!
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left a comment!

As it turned out HYDRA had been responsible for SHIELD’s interests and Steve’s abduction. They were fighting grunt soldiers now but Tony knew that hidden underground somewhere, waiting, was their leader. The question at hand was whether this could really be the Red Skull or just another follower trying to fulfill the man’s crazed ideals.

He’d heard Steve speak of HYDRA before and how their leader was responsible for the destruction of entire cities. Johann Schmidt had vanished on the aircraft that Steve had crashed into the ocean, there had been no traces of him and he was presumed dead but now after the events with Steve and the Phase II information he’d uncovered on the Helicarrier, Tony was beginning to think that maybe the Red Skull being alive in the 21st century somehow wasn’t that crazy. Stranger things had happened before and if the Red Skull was here and he was trying to destroy Captain America all of the events made perfect sense.

To say the mission was a success was an overstatement. HYDRA had mostly toyed with them and their so called leader hadn’t made any appearances. It had been completely frustrating for Tony. The fight was calculated and far too planned out on HYDRA’s part and this left them all with a bad taste in their mouths. Sure Tony could stay out here for as long as it took but nothing was happening. The Avengers were getting nowhere fighting all these lower level grunts.

Eventually the HYDRA unit began to pull back and it was at this point that Tony heard JARVIS over the com telling him that his protocol had somehow been overridden, that Steve had gotten out of his apartment.

“Is he still in the tower?” Tony asked. He was glad that JARVIS had notified him on a private line.

“At this time I am unaware of Captain Rogers’ location.”

“How did he get out?”

“My system security was hacked. It was during this time that his room’s lockdown was lifted and several persons entered his living quarters. I am initializing self-heal and will continue to search for the Captain as my system sectors reboot.”

Who the fuck could do something like that? He had a few ideas and none of them seemed any better than the other.

“Shit, okay I’m heading back now,” Tony said as he broke away from the team and set out towards the tower. He heard Natasha over the com as he flew out of sight. She would no doubt be following him with the others.

When he arrived at the Tower upper levels he disengaged the Armor before checking JARVIS’ system. “Steve?”

“He is still in the tower,” JARVIS said. “My system is fully online again and I’ve managed to pinpoint the source of my server access.”

“Let me guess,” Tony said, “it was HYDRA.”

“It would seem that way sir.”

Good, but right now he needed to get to Steve before the others showed up and everything went to hell in a hand basket.

“May I suggest you put the Iron Man suit back on sir?”

“Because of the soldiers?”

“No, they no longer pose a threat.”

They no longer posed a threat? Then Steve must have stopped them, fought them off.

“Then why?” Tony was already heading to Steve’s location and all around there was no noises no movement.

“Sir please, I highly recommend you suit up or wait for the rest of the team before you try and engage Captain Rogers. The team is two minutes out and it would be far safer if you waited for them.”

“It’s only Steve, JARVIS,” Tony said and it was his unwavering faith in the man in the next room that pushed him forward. If he ever wanted to believe in someone it would be Steve.

He wasn’t sure what it was that he was expecting when he opened the door but the smell of death hit him like a punch to the face. It was mostly dark in the room and he felt his foot bump something when he ventured further in. He strained his eyes and looked down past the soft blue hue radiating from his reactor through his shirt. There was a body lying at his feet. He stepped over it scanning the room trying his best to see in the darkness.

“Steve?” He called out. There was no reply and no movement. Tony tripped over another body on the floor before he finally reached Steve sitting in the corner. He could barely make out his features. He saw no movement and heard no sounds.

“Lights, sixty percent,” Tony called out softly. He knelt down beside the other man. He placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder gently. He whispered Steve’s name over and over and finally the blond looked up at him, fear in his blue eyes.

“They rushed in,” Steve began, “they just rushed at me and I… they wouldn’t stop so I—“

Tony looked around the room again as Steve gestured toward the bodies. There were more HYDRA agents than he initially thought, six to be exact. Their bodies were mangled and bloodied and Tony was pretty sure that not a single one of them had had a chance once Steve attacked. He was deadly and precise as Captain America but now… Tony looked back to Steve, looked at his mouth and saw the dark smears of blood where Steve had bitten at least one of them.

“I killed them Tony.”

“You did it to protect yourself,” Tony said as if that justified all the carnage that took place in this room. “You had no choice.”

“I didn’t just kill them Tony, I… the taste, it was…” His voice dropped to a low murmur. “It felt…” Good, Steve couldn’t finish.

If there had been any doubt before there wasn’t now, not with the wild look in Steve’s eyes. Tony knew perfectly well that Steve had fed from them, ripped their throats out. Some of the bodies were barely recognizable as being human. Armor shredded, bones split and broken and what blood Steve hadn’t ingested was pooled at their feet.

“It was like before, on that night,” Steve said looking down at his blood soaked hands, “when they took me.”

“You remember?” Tony asked.

Steve shook his head and Tony wasn’t quite sure he meant yes or no but he listened as his friend tried to express his fears and realizations.

“It was… it was HYDRA and he was there, looming over me, smiling that cruel smile. In an instant everything was spinning and all I could feel was pain and it was like hell, ever burning and prodding.”

Tony knew that Steve meant Johann Schmidt. That this disfigured remnant of a man was the sole reason Steve had now become the being he was, that the Red Skull was the reason that Steve was broken.

Steve rubbed his hands along his pants trying to clean off the blood. “When he left I couldn’t control myself, not the pain or the hunger that filled me. I think they were trying to kill me; I was supposed to die back then.”

“But you didn’t,” Tony said. “Just like you didn’t when you crashed into the ocean and I’m glad for that.”

“But because I didn’t, something… something much worse has survived. I killed them all Tony.”

And what Tony heard next shook him to his core.

“I’m a monster.”

A monster? No, not Steve, not this beautiful perfect man who would give you the shirt off his back. Not this man who changed Tony’s life and had given him something so precious and asked nothing in return. No, Steve was no monster.

Pushing caution aside Tony leaned in close wrapping his arms around Steve’s shoulders. “You’re no monster Steve.”

“But—“

“Listen to me goddamn it, you did what you had to to survive. You didn’t choose for this to happen and I’m not gonna’ sit back and watch you destroy yourself. You mean something to me Steve Rogers and as selfish as this may sound I won’t let you give up. This world needs you.”

“You mean they need Captain America.”

“The world needs Captain America, yes, but I need you… I need Steve Rogers.” Tony was holding his face now and never in his life had he ever wanted to protect someone as much as he did at this moment. He wanted to protect the people, his friends and Pepper, god he adored her but, Steve, he was something different. He was the one person Tony knew that he couldn’t function without. There were very few times Tony remembered ever saying that he loved something and he could honestly say he could count those times on one hand. Steve would be one of those times.

“I can’t keep living like this Tony,” Steve said.

“Please, just give me time to figure out a solution. I don’t care what I have to do but I’ll fix this.”

“What if I hurt someone else… what if I hurt you?”

A woman’s voice echoed through the room. “That won’t happen. “

It was then that Steve’s attention was drawn to the doorway. Natasha and the others were standing there. For how long Tony wasn’t sure but she had her gun ready and aimed at Steve’s head.

“Back away from him Stark.”

Tony was staring down the gun in disbelief. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“He needs to be detained,” she answered.

The others were entering the room now and near the back Tony could see Bruce. He was looking around the room in concern.

“Did Steve do this?” Bruce asked.

“They attacked him,” Tony stated.

Tony was standing between Steve and the others.  He wasn’t going to let them near Steve. Sure he didn’t have his armor and now he wished he’d listened to JARVIS if not for the fact that he could stop the others from getting to Steve.

“I said back away from him Stark,” Natasha said again words clipped and harsh. She was edging closer followed by Clint who now had his bow drawn.

“Lower your weapon, cause I’m not moving,” Tony said. He felt Steve close behind him, one hand gripping his hip. He was trying to push Tony to the side but he wouldn’t move that easily. “You are not taking him.”

“What is this madness?” Tony heard Thor ask and Steve shifted against him again. Steve’s body was steadily becoming rigid and alert. The closer the others came the more Steve became weary of their actions. At this rate someone was going to get hurt.

“Okay, just listen for a minute. Think about what it is you are doing,” Tony said. “This is Steve we’re talking about here. Captain America, he’s the man who’s saved each and every one or our lives on countless missions.”

Natasha glared back harder not lowering her gun.

“How can you just push aside everything that he stands for… everything good that he’s done?” Tony stepped closer to Natasha. “Steve’s our friend.”

Clint seemed to think on this for a minute because he looked from Natasha and then to Steve as if reminding himself that Captain America was indeed a good guy and that this was the man who joked around with him in the mornings or sat down with him to talk about movies Steve didn’t quite understand but would watch them anyway because it was fun spending time with this little family they had created.

“He’s a threat… a killer,” Natasha snapped out as if to make Clint remember their objective.

Tony felt Steve flinched at her words and he wanted to grab her, smack her and make her understand. This wasn’t just some mindless soldier. This was Steve.

Natasha was talking again. “His illness, the second serum and its effects, they are only going to get worse. The hunger and the need to feed on the blood of others… it’s just a matter of time before he hurts an innocent.”

“She’s right,” Steve said. “It’s better if I just go with them now before something worse happens.”

“What, are you insane?” Tony looked at Steve and then back to the others. “Taking Steve to SHIELD headquarters is in no way a good idea.” He was moving towards Natasha now. He wasn’t going to let them guilt Steve into turning himself over like some criminal. He was ill, yes but none of this was his fault and he sure as hell wasn’t going to make their lives easier because Fury wanted another lab experiment.

Nope, Tony had had just about enough of this bullshit. “If you want him then you go through me because I’m not letting you take him. End of story.”

“Stark—“

The next thing any of them realized was Tony grabbing for the gun Natasha held and in any situation that would have been a stupid move but at this moment everything seemed to pass by in slow motion. This was beyond imprudent but Tony didn’t care. He wasn’t just going to stand here arguing a point that was obviously being ignored.

Natasha was grabbing at him now with precise speed as she knocked him to the side. Tony saw the flash of fear in her expression as she pulled the gun’s trigger just as he fell to the side and it was then that he realized she was firing at Steve. The bullet was a dead hit entering through his forehead but it didn’t seem to faze him in the slightest. He barely flinched as he charged at her with a low growl.

Bruce was at Tony’s side helping him from the floor while Thor and Clint moved to free Natasha from Steve’s steel grip. He had her pinned to the wall, large hand tight around her neck. She dangled inches from the floor feet twitching as she tried to free herself. Strangled gasps fell from her mouth as she fought helplessly.

“Stop him,” Bruce asked and it was only when Steve heard Tony through the gasps and yelling that he loosened his grip enough for Natasha to fall to the floor.

Natasha grabbed for her gun again but Thor placed his hand over hers. “You provoked him.”

Clint was backing down at this point having really thought about the situation, about SHIELD and the missions and what the Avengers really stood for. “Tash, come on, look at you, look at what they have us doing?”

“A mission is a mission no matter who is involved,” She coughed out.

“Did you ever stop to think that maybe we’re fighting for the wrong side, I mean you just shot Captain America point blank?”

“He’s a threat.”

“He’s family,” Bruce interjected.

“He could have killed me.”

“He thought you were going to harm Tony,” Bruce stated.

She watched Bruce walk over to Steve and Tony. Thor was standing next to her and Clint with a confused look about his face.

“I know not what has caused such indiscretions but I simply cannot understand why you would treat Captain Rogers as our enemy?”

Natasha glanced over to where Steve and the others stood. Christ, she had hit him point blank and he was still standing. How could she have done something like that? She hadn’t meant to shoot but when she’d seen him charging at her she panicked. Yes, he had attacked her but only after she had knocked Tony back. She hadn’t felt fear like that since being around Bruce on the Helicarrier.

But… maybe Clint was right? Maybe they all were. They’d all battled their fair share of demons, some worse than others.

She holstered her gun and it was only when she felt Clint grasp her hands that she realized she was shaking.

“He’s our friend Tash, our leader. If ever you wanted to believe in something just believe in that. Look at him.” She saw the look or guilt on his face. “You believed in me after I had been compromised.”

She squeezed his hands.

“If you can love and forgive me for what I did why can’t you do that for him?”

Why indeed?

……….

48 hours after the initial incident, and having had enough time to calm down and assess the situation, Steve came to the realization that Natasha probably wouldn’t speak to him. Everyone in the tower was on edge and avoiding one another. Tony and Bruce seemed especially irritated and after a heated discussion most likely about Natasha’s actions, the two of them went their separate ways. Tony had returned to him seemingly over possessive. It was only after Steve had requested some space to think, that Tony had disappear down into his workshop to leave Steve to his thoughts. He’d seemed troubled but understanding. Steve was glad for the concern but finally having a clear mind after so long seemed so strange. Nothing ached, his senses were honed and the hunger was sated. In this state his entire being seemed to work perfectly. Honestly, it was the best he’d felt in weeks. He was completely aware of the reasoning behind this but pushed it to the back of his mind as he focused on a more pressing matter. What was he to do in regards to his entire team falling apart? At this point there were no Avengers. Everyone’s trusts and friendships had been shaken. Everything that had happened was rooted in his illness. In all honesty he could understand each and every concern and at this point he just wanted to speak with Natasha if only to apologize.

He’d barely seen Natasha or Clint in the recent hours, not that he’d been out of his apartment for very long, but he’d been able to sense their whereabouts in the Tower the entire time, neither one of them had ventured from their rooms and when they had come out of hiding it was for a very brief amount of time wherein Clint was usually the one collecting items that ranged from books and food to tech.

No one seemed to want to interact. Aside from Bruce’s frequent checkups, Thor was the only one to move from floor to floor seemingly unfazed. At first Steve could only sense confusion from Thor but after frequent visits with Tony that seemed to last longer and longer, the god’s demeanor changed from confusion to sorrow to understanding.

Steve had wondered if they had been talking about him but didn’t have the nerve to ask. Not long after though, Thor had walked up beside him putting an arm around his shoulders and said, “Worry not my friend. It is not the end of your journey.”

Tony had indeed spoken to Thor about his illness and relief washed over him as he saw Thor smile reassuringly. “You are my friend and we shall figure out a solution together, all of us here.” He squeezed Steve’s shoulder again. “We are all family here.”

Steve just looked at him with weary eyes. Not all of them… Tony, Bruce and Thor, but not Natasha or Clint. He didn’t know where he stood with them but what he did know was that speaking with them, especially Natasha, was a start at fixing any wrongs. He was caught in the middle of opposing sides and if they couldn’t figure out a way to make things better there would be no Avengers.

……….

Tony and Bruce had hovered over him like parents protecting a child. It felt good to know that both Tony and Bruce cared so much for him but the two of them were angry with Natasha, Tony more so than Bruce, and he’d made it very apparent that he wasn’t going to just ignore what had happened. In Steve’s mind he’d seen himself as a far greater threat than Natasha. She’d reacted in fear, not to say that being shot was okay, but Steve really did understand and very quickly forgave her for this. If anything, he thought that maybe he should be the one asking for forgiveness. In a blind rage he’d charged at her. The more he thought about it the more he realized it was because he wanted to protect Tony. In that moment nothing else mattered but Tony. He’d been pumped up and alert from the blood and his body had tensed in panic when the others had entered the room. Natasha had just happened to be the one to make the mistake of approaching him.

So here he was, mind as clear as it’s been in weeks, asking Clint for permission to enter his room in the hopes that both he and Natasha would speak with him or at the least listen to what he had to say. Surprisingly Clint had let him enter the apartment without hesitation. Right away he felt Natasha tense across the room. She’d been sitting before but stood abruptly staring at him with scared eyes. Steve slumped slightly trying to seem as unintimidating as possible.

“I just want to talk,” Steve said hovering close by the door. He saw Clint stand in between him and Natasha. He couldn’t blame the man, not after what he’d done. “I just need you both to understand how sorry I am.”

Natasha looked away in shame.

“Please don’t do that,” Steve said. “It wasn’t your fault and I don’t blame you.”

“I shot you,” Natasha said still not looking at Steve. She clenched her fists at her side and Steve could tell she was conflicted.

“You reacted to a threat and you weren’t wrong in your actions.”

“But… that’s just it, I _was_ wrong.”

Steve wanted to step closer to her, let her know that in truth he had forgiven her but she just stared back at him eyes haunted with regret. She was beating herself up about this. She was questioning everything she’d thought she knew about him, about SHIELD and about her actions.

“Please understand, Natasha, that I don’t blame you.” He looked back and forth between her and Clint. “When it all comes down to who I am, my basic needs and actions, you’re right, I’m a killer. I can never be sure if I can keep it together long enough not to harm someone.”

“That’s not entirely true now is it?” Clint interjected, “You wanted to protect Tony.”

“Yes, but…”

“The fact that you’re even standing here with us right now is proof that you’re still human, proof that you care,” Clint specified.

And that was why he was seconds away from turning himself over to SHIELD. Wouldn’t it be better to do it while he could still think clearly? Sure Tony would hate it, he’d probably try to get him to change his mind, make a scene even, but Steve didn’t want to risk hurting someone else, especially Tony. So he pressed his wrists together and held them out towards Clint.

“What are you doing?” Clint asked looking at Steve’s out stretched arms.

“Turning myself in,” Steve said. “The two of you are highly trained and intelligent enough to know when there’s a threat. I trust your judgment and if taking me to SHIELD is something you have to do then I’ll go willingly.”

Clint crossed his arms and stepped away from him. “Don’t be stupid, we’re not taking you to SHIELD.”

“But—“

“Like Bruce and Tony said, we’re family and family stick together.”

“Clint, this might be your only chance to do this. I probably won’t give you this opportunity again.”

“We’re in this for the long haul Cap, SHIELD can suck it.”

Steve looked at Natasha to see if she thought the same way. She straightened her shoulders then walked up beside Clint and gave him a small smile. It was her way of saying yes and he believed her completely.

So they had decided against taking him in. Natasha seemed much more at ease the longer he stood in the room and Clint seemed happy that they had all come to an understanding. He was an Avenger, their leader, a friend, and it would stay that way.

When Clint went to the adjoining room Steve took this time to speak with Natasha alone. He gently grabbed her wrist pulling her aside. She tensed briefly before calming herself. Even with her new views on the situation and her agreement with Clint in wanting to choose his safety over completing SHIELD orders, Steve could easily tell she was still uncomfortable in his presence, especially alone.

“I need you to promise me something,” Steve said. He looked toward the second room and could sense Clint was still occupied. He returned his attention to Natasha. “I understand that you are willing to ignore SHIELD’s request to bring me in and that you’ve made your choice with the mindset that you are doing what is right—“

“This is the right choice,” Natasha stated. “I want you to get better and if being here with Tony does that then this is the right choice.”

He smiled at her for thinking this but was staying here around Tony really the right choice? “I know you’ve made your mind up but I also know you’re a realist and that makes what I’m about to ask all the more easier.”

She looked at him with worried eyes.

“You have to promise me that if I can’t control this you’ll do the right thing and you’ll end it. You’ll do whatever you can to keep everyone here safe, especially Tony.”

“Steve…”

“Promise me,” He said.

He was strong now and if drinking human blood only intensified his actions and feelings then there was no telling if he could be stopped later on. He was thinking straight right now but what if he went off the handle, then what? Who was to say he’d even want to stop later on? When Tony had seen the mess of HYDRA bodies and Steve had explained what had happened, he’d almost blurted out how the killing, the blood drinking, all of it, it had felt good. It was a realization that had shaken him to his core. What if those feelings only intensified?

The more he thought about it the more he knew that this was his way of protecting the people that he cared so much for. This was the only way of protecting Tony. “Natasha, please…”

Clint walked in at that moment, a large goofy smile on his face. “You’re on the team again. It’s awesome, now we can all go out there and save people’s lives. Everything we do we do better together. A sorta ‘fuck you’ to SHIELD. Do you think Tony will be cool with this?”

As Clint rambled on the three of them made their way to the elevators. Steve watched Natasha. She was clearly thinking his request out in her head. He needed her to do this. There was no one else. She’d see the situation as truth and when she finally nodded he knew then that she’d take care of things when the time came.

“I’m sorry,” She said squeezing his hand once they entered the elevator.


End file.
